Focus and a new direction in life

I missed Message Circle last night but my friend and mentor Betsy let me know this: "focus and not go off in too many
directions."

Of course I missed it due to being just exhausted, physically and mentally. I get like this by the end of the weekend. It is like a return to that depressive exhaustion that forces you to lie down and close your eyes and give up thought as just the act of thinking wears you out more. Some of this might be due to Mike taking lots of my energy--not in tasks or by demand but I sit with him and feel the pull. I don't even think he is conscious of it.

The overall message is a good one. My mother basically told me the same thing last week. I have some Saturn oppositions coming up in the Fall in my Virgo placements which affect work and physical health and this will last until June. My Mom said I should look at what I want and do the hard work (which means focus my energy) and do the background stuff-- get contacts, work on my skills and not be all over the place, focus on this main thing. With Saturn, you are basically reaping what you sow and I would like to have positive come out rather than negative.

I am looking to focus on creative pursuits involving the home sewing/artistic wearables and costume with the goal of becoming an independent educator and authoring my own line of design (whether it be in book form, pattern form or downloadables). I'm thinking that putting together workshops on creativity as well as putting together some programming.

So to do some of this I am working with my local guild and plan to make contacts with other associated guilds, schools and businesses, working on my health and appearance, listing contacts, doing the reading, writing articles, reviews and research on what people are doing, looking at, working on my custom sewing, doing self ed with pattern making and my constuction skills (I have to sew myself a new wardrobe!). Figuring out where I fit in the fashion/design/artisan craft /fine arts/costume arena.

I have been thinking about what Deb and Dorena said during my reading in regard to being my own business where my passion is, only putting money and time into what is truly exciting me and putting focus into it. I tend to diffuse my energy (that grand square with all mutable signs). And "matchmaker" that word, it keeps coming back to me and it may be hooking people up with other people, ideas or information--this could be consulting. So I basically have an industry to learn and to impact.

This can be overwhelming at times. I am trying to build back up as well so do get a bit exhausted after a marathon run of reading and researching. Today I plan to spend lots of time in the sew room after my prescribed hour of yardwork (--I have to do the yard stuff little by little--it can be exhausting in itself). I have some computer software to test and learn (I'm hoping to get skilled at it so I can teach it and rep it). I received some good news last week. Some ladies from my guild-- a very nice couple, are purchasing a fabric store in New Hartford. They are moving it here and will be opening in the Delavan Center on E. Fayette. They plan to focus on garment sewing center, kind of what I envisioned as a "sew gym" but with lots of yummy fabric and classes. I am very excited about this and I hope to be involved.

So, like any new undertaking and matter of career and life's import, this has taken much of my time and energy.

The thing is, it seems like the scope of this is very large and I wonder if it isn't too diffuse.